2 Year Anniversary

2 yrs ago today was the day of Grayson's surgery. I will never forget that day, and even despite what I'm going through personally, nothing can compare to the fear and anxiety I had that day 2 yrs ago. Handing over my sweet 7 week old baby boy to the Dr's and waiting in the waiting room for the update on his surgery, and then seeing him in recovery, nothing compares to that day.

We made it through the day, and we've grown as a family from it, but the cries I heard that day from him, and the pain he had to go through gave us a bond that can not be described in words.

He's my sweet 2 yr old now. Most of the time anyways.... he has his moments, but he is honestly the sweetest baby boy you'll ever meet. He is learning new words every day, and there are days where I just scoop him up and hug him tight and kiss all over his cheeks because I can...because he's here and he's perfect.

His favorite shows are Mickey Mouse clubhouse, which he says "mow-mouse how-house" and Phineas and Ferb which he says "fub". He also loves the Little Einsteins, and Thomas the Train. One of his favorite characters is Lightning McQueen, which he calls "like-keen" and he loves to watch that movie.

He is completely potty trained. He basically did it himself, with just a little nudge from us. He loves to eat and his favorite foods are Macaroni and cheese which he used to just call "cheese", but now he calls "roni-cheese". He loves the Mickey mouse chicken nuggets we found from Costco and eats 7 at a time. He also loves cheeseburgers and tater tots or fries. If we are on the go and are forced to stop and get fast food (which we avoid at all costs) I ask him what he wants and he actually pretends like he is looking at the menu and says "sheebuger...tay-tots" or "sheebuger...fench fies". He is my "little dipper" because he loves to dip foods on ranch or ketchup. Sometimes, I'll give him a snack of Hummus and carrots and when he's done, all the carrots will be laying on the plate with residue all over them, but the hummus is gone because he just uses the carrots as a spoon and just eats the hummus...or ranch.

He is just such a smart little guy. He is constantly amazing us at the things he knows how to do. We certainly have been surprised on many occasions, like recently, he would take 2 cheetos, hold them up side by side and say "mommy, I make a "M" and eat them. Then hold up two more and say "mommy, I make a "E" and eat it.....then "mommy, I make a "D". I had NO IDEA he knew any letters. Not that he knows which letters they actually are, but he knows his letters, none the less. Yesterday, we told the kids to make sure they picked up their diving sticks before coming inside or next time Chris mowed they would be destroyed, and after bathtime, he saw the diving sticks still laying in the yard, and he went and picked up every single one of them and put them away without us even telling him. He is always telling his siblings "bubba...sissy....eat" or "bubba...sissy....keen up" and point to the toys (which he got out, but he makes sure they are cleaning them up....) He will spank the kids if they do something wrong (which we laugh about before telling him that he is NOT the boss) and the other day, Brayden was on the potty and so he went #2 in his little froggy potty and brought it into the bathroom and "emptied it" all by himself....into the sink...because the potty was being occupied. I had to laugh as Chris was cleaning that mess up. One of his favorite phrases is "me do it" and we let him....as messy or as time consuming as it is.....because we love his independence.

He is our little stinker.

He is our little "June Bug"

He is our little man!

He is our perfect little angel in every way and we are so thankful that we have him. He makes our family complete.

Easter 2010....oops....

Doing what boys do best....

Cheeeeeeesseeeee.....

My sweet little angel face....



Easter morning, 2010, Had to ride his Spiderman 4-wheeler in his Easter outfit before going to church

Mommy's glasses...lookin' like Chicken Little

Yoda.... (Halloween 2009)

Christmas 2009....enough said...

Chris' birthday party January 2, 2010

Grayson at a 1950's dresss up party for his grandma Karan

Disney- June 2010

With his hero....Mow-Mouse

Blowing out candles with Daddy (Combo Birthday/Fathers Day 2010)

Waiting for his Birthday Cupcakes

He is growing up sooo fast.....

The Circle of Mommy Guilt.....

....SUCKS! Lets me just say that. I quit working full time to stay at home and enjoy my 2 kids. To love on them and not pay someone else to love on them in my absence. I wasn't making much after the cost of daycare was taken out of the equation, even less when you factor in gas, pantyhose, makeup, dress suits, etc. So, it was in our best interest for me to stay at home and just cut a little bit out of our budget to survive. We did just that. Barely survived. We had just enough to pay bills, eat, and occasionally treat the kids to a cheap dinner out. Bonus checks usually went to paying off the credit card that got us through unexpected things like Dr visits, new tires, car repairs, etc. We lived debt free (except the house) and we survived. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to do that. BUT......I had no adult life. I had my chores down to a daily schedule....Grocery shopping Mondays, Floor Tuesdays, Bedsheets Wednesdays, Laundry Thursdays, Deep Cleaning Fridays. I cooked dinner every night. I hid vegetables in the kids food. They ate healthy lunches, and we had the occasional play date, picnic lunch, Museum, zoo, etc. I scrapbooked, and we did crafts. There was no preschool, no dance, no extra curricular activities. Life was good. But, I also had very few friends, little to no adult interaction, and I was bored. Eventually, we did budget in the gym for me, and preschool for Kaylee, and then preschool for Brayden, but it was still tight every month. I clipped my coupons every Sunday, and made my grocery list and menu for the week. I was a normal.STAY.AT.HOME.mom. I put that in caps because we did just that......we STAYED AT HOME!

So, I started making bows. Mostly to save money and have Kaylee wear a matching bow for every outfit, but I started to sell them. It was OK...but it was strictly for fun, and I wasn't making anything....just enough to cover my costs. I broke even. It was a craft/hobby but not a business. Then, after Grayson's birth/surgery/recovery the opportunity presented itself for me to take over a rhinestone company (who ironically was going out of business because she didn't have enough family time and got too busy). I took over....seeing the potential money involved, and now that I had one in elementary school, seeing a way to keep myself busy(er). Brayden was in preschool, Grayson was an infant, and Kaylee was gone all day. Why not?

Fast forward one year later.......

I feel like I have no time with my family. I am constantly working, catching up on emails, trying to keep up this blog, trying to keep my house somewhat clean and organized. My laundry gets done when someone runs out of underwear, socks or I run out of bra's (and for the record, we all have more than 2 weeks supply). I am lucky if I get to the grocery store once a week for milk. No menu, we play dinner by ear, sometimes making sandwiches or giving the kids cereal. I haven't scrapbooked a page since Grayson was born. I never get to the gym. I don't eat because I forget. I don't sleep much because there is always something to do around the house. I very rarely get out to visit with friends. Grayson barely knows what a park looks like. We spend a lot of time in the car, trying to get errands run while Brayden is in preschool. I feel overwhelmed.

So, I question.....is it worth it?
Do I stop?
Do I continue?
How can I change my hectic life?
How did I manage before?
Is it the third kid that made my life crazier?


My struggle is that I do it all for the kids. I make money! I get to stay at home (and notice its not in caps, because we are never home), I get to spend every waking moment with my children. BUT, it's either in the car, dropping off or picking up from 2 different schools at 2 different times, rushing to the grocery store, rushing to Walmart or Target for paper goods, cleaning goods, etc. (and I laugh when I type that because I keep buying cleaning supplies, but it's been forever since I've used anything other than a kitchen counter cleaner or dishwasher/laundry detergent because Chris has been doing most of the cleaning for the past year).

I felt so proud that I was able to pay for Christmas all with my earned money. We did not have to budget it into Chris' paycheck, not a bonus check, and we didn't have to charge it and use our tax refund for any of it. I.DID.IT.WITH.MY.HARD.EARNED.MONEY! Yet, I still question if it's worth it.

Do my kids misbehave more now because they want more attention from me or is it just their age and their lack of naps/constant on the go? Do they feel like they are getting all that they deserve? Do they feel our love? Do they think I am still a super mom?

I have no idea. They don't answer stuff like that and if they do, I question the honesty, or if it's just "what I need to hear" at the moment.

Kaylee enjoys dance. If I quit, she would have to give that up. Brayden would not be able to go to preschool. Grayson would not go to preschool. I could not shop. I could not go out to dinner with my friends and have a drink. Would I even have any friends? Would I be too boring? My life would go back to boring and I would not have much adult interaction. But would the kids be happier?

So, my options are this:
1. Sell the business, and go back to a tight budget. Spend more time with my kids and husband. Clean house daily. Always have laundry done. Always cook dinner. Plan a menu. Make my silly lists. The cons are that I would have done this all for nothing. We would not be able to take small trips, and the kids would not get to do anything that costs money, and would I even be able to break even, or would I have a loss?

2. Cut back, only working 4 hrs a day on Tuesdays and Thursdays when Grayson is in preschool next year. Keep going, but take longer to pay off the debt the business has incurred. Take longer to possibly making my dream of opening a store front in town a reality, or having someone beat me to it. The cons are that I would not be able to take on the smaller onesies and twosies jobs that bring in the bigger jobs later. I would not be able to have a fast turn-around on my customers deadlines. I would not be able to do every request, only certain ones that bring in more money. I would lose a lot of my customer base, and how hard would it be to get those customers back later on when all 3 kids are in elementary school full time and I have more time to devote to it all?

3. Keep going, keep my crazy hectic life, and keep the kids in preschool and dance with no time to do anything. Pay off all the business debt this year, and possibly open a store front within 3 yrs. Pay myself a paycheck, and enjoy it.

Then I question if the kids would understand that if I sell.... this means no trains, no dance, no eating out, no new toys just because. They certainly don't understand "mommy has to work now so I can buy you new toys".

Will they hold it against me later in life that I stayed at home, but had little time with them? Would they enjoy the fact that mommy owns a store and that's how they can have new toys, new trains, and the ability to go do things at any given point? Will they grow up and say "My mommy stayed at home with me and we had lots of fun and we have a wonderful relationship" or will they say "mommy stayed at home but was always too busy to play with us"?

This Mommy guilt sucks. I don't know who invented it, but I don't like it. The best solution would be to win the lottery, sell the business and hire a maid......HA! I just can't shake the thought that "you never get back these times when your kids are young and enjoy just being with mommy" or "You can't rewind time and get these precious toddler years back" and that's what makes this decision so hard.

I really enjoy what I do. I am a creative person by nature, and I really enjoy getting to explore my creative side. I enjoy the compliments on my work and I know I do a good job. I enjoy the financial freedom we have now, even though I am not really paying myself yet, so it's not a lot, but it's a little here and there. Would I still enjoy life if I gave it all up? Would I still feel accomplished on those days where I do manage to get a load of laundry done, cook dinner AND get 3 designs done and press 75 shirts? Would I sleep more? Would I get fat again because I eat out of boredom? Would I really enjoy free time, or have I been accustomed to my crazy busy hectic life for so long that I wouldn't know what to do?

I have no idea. I'm just rambling and ranting out loud. These are my thoughts. These are my feelings. Now they are out in the open instead of bottled up inside of me.

Chris says "whatever you want to do, I support you". While I admire that quality in him, and I love and adore his supportive nature, it's absolutely no help. (And I say that with a grin because my husband is a man of few words, so it's sooooooo just what Christopher would say) I am sooo not good at making decisions that affect others.

Guess I'll go ponder my thoughts a while longer and see if I can actually get any work done with this toddler crawling up on my lap, turning my computer off, pulling my hair, and poking my eye while saying "Iiieeeyyyeee....Mooommmmyyy" or sticking his finger up my nose while saying "no?" I love these little stinkers.

Happy Freaking Valentines Day!

Translated as "Let's go see how much money we can spend on stupid shit that dies, or gets eaten in five minutes flat, go eat a rediculously over priced meal that barely even fills us up, while wearing our new beautiful red dress all the while hoping that our significant other will compliment us on how beautiful we look tonight, all for what?"

S.E.X.

Yep, that's all it is. Sex. We work so hard, making ourselves presentable, being nice, buying flowers that die, candy that makes us fat (and makes that little red beautiful dress too snug to look beautiful), and teddy bears that will just collect dust, but HEAVEN FORBID we throw it out, because "husband" or "boyfriend" or "fiance" gave it to us and if we throw it out that means we don't appreciate it, so we *sneeze* keep it for years and years. We show our love, we don't nag, we don't bitch and whine...all for a day that is supposed to end with SEX! Wait, isn't this what we are supposed to do every day? Why is February 14th any different? Beacuse Hallmark, Target, Walmart, Jared's (yes, he went to Jared's....that Jared's, not Subways' Jared) and all the other retailers out there are capatilizing on it and making men feel bad for not buying their wife some expensive piece of shit that they can't afford anyways. They tell these men that they have to do this in order to "show their love"..........or as I say.....get SEX.

I say, skip all that stupid shit, go to Target and steal a cutesy phrase from a hallmark card, write it on a nice piece of cardstock, slap on a couple of heart stickers, give it to me, watch me smile, and then take me upstairs and have your way with me. That's the best way to show your love! Yeah baby!!!!!

(For the record, we were both drunk in this picture......Chris says I look drunk, and he doesn't......HA! How many times are his eyes usually glazed over like that?)

What is this I am holding?

Wait, is this TIME? Do I actually have a bit of FREE TIME on my hands???

I.Cannot.Believe.It!

Granted, my house is not clean, it's only tidy. Laundry is washed and dried and laying flat so I don't have to re-dry it (let's face it, I barely have time to wash and dry it, let alone IRON it if it wrinkles....so YES, I use the dryer!)

I have so many things I could be doing. I have yet to even start preparing and gathering my tax documents from last year, normally I would have already had our refund back and spent or saved it accordingly.

But instead, I am choosing to be lazy.....for one evening! I am going to be lazy and sit on my hiney and watch TV! I haven't watched LIVE TV in like over a year unless you count Chuggington, Yo Gabba Gabba, or Dora. Even then, it's not me watching it live, it's me listening to it live from the other room while I am working.

I've earned this lazy night. I deserve this lazy night, and gosh darn it, I'm going to ENJOY this lazy night!

Good night.....I think I'm gonna head to bed now. I'm bored with TV.

Kaylee's First Dance Competition

(Pause music player below on the left before starting video)

Dance Connections First Grade Team competes. "It's a Hard Knock Life" from Annie. They did so awesome, once they found their mark. This was the Novelty dance segment of the Elementary Team. They, along with the Dazzlers (2nd and 3rd) won four awards!

Kaylee is the fourth girl from the left, scrubbing the floor to start off, then switches to the back row. (She has 2 piggies with sprouts sticking out)

Yep, I can do that too....not really, but I tried

My sister is having a baby. My sister-in-law is throwing her a baby shower, on a budget. My genius idea is to make a cake myself....

HA!

First time ever working with Fondant icing. No instructions, no classes, just did it. Now, while I have to say, it wasn't bad........it certainly wasn't good. The icing in the middle was runny (probably because she wanted red velvet cake, which means you have to use cream cheese icing, which translates to runny icing, that got even more heated by the fondant icing on top of it, which meant an ooey gooey mess), I couldn't figure out how to get all the wrinkles out, and the kids helped me..... (They were in charge of rolling the balls up and giving them to me without eating them.)

And, I think my fondant was a little too thick. It made it hard to cut and serve.

But, I guess for a first time fondant user, it didn't turn out all that bad? I know what you're thinking, "Ace of Cakes" should be calling me ANY DAY NOW!!!! Right? Me too!

My Teenage Daughter

Well, Almost.....

Kaylee was outside with me the other day and our neighbor walks out to start her stretching for her evening run. Jessa just started High school the other day. I think she's about 14 or so. There have been times where, out of the goodness of her heart, she has played with Kaylee and kept her entertained while we got some things done, like washing the car, or cutting the grass. God bless her, she is so awesome for doing that.

So, Kaylee says "Hi Jessa! When can you play with me?"

I'm in the background of her waving my hands noooooo, like "don't feel obligated to answer that"

Jessa responded "I don't know, I'll have to check my calendar"

Kaylee puts her hand on her hip and says "weeelllllll, I'm free Saturday!"

And loud laughter errupted from everyone outside.

My kids make me laugh

• Kaylee is 6. She is starting to figure out what we as parents have been able to get away with for years......bribery! We started giving her allowance for vacuuming 3 times a week. She must vacuum the upstairs once, the downstairs once, and the entire house once per week in order to earn her $2. Last week, she did soo good. I was so proud of her. We didn't even have to ask her, she just did it, and she was excited about doing it too! Well, Friday, she went and disappeared to her room for almost an hour. She came downstairs and told me that she had cleaned her room....ALL.BY.HERSELF. I took a peek and WOW!!!! She not only cleaned it, but she made her bed, and organized, and dusted, and everything.

Saturday, it was allowance time. But, she still had to do the whole house vacuum on that day. Well, the play room was covered in train tracks and trains, which obviously were not hers. But, she picked up 3/4 of them before starting the vacuum, to which at that point, Brayden started picking them up in a hurry because he knows the rule...

IF YOU LEAVE TOYS OUT AND WE VACUUM, THEY GET VACUUMED UP!

By the way, I will continue with that rule until he figures out that they really won't fit in the vacuum cleaner and we are just using bribery....again. She's already figured it out. It was like a light bulb went off in her head. "Mom" she whispered in my ear..."those don't fit up the hose, you're just playing with him right?"

So, after she completes her chores that day, I asked Chris how much we should give her since she did extra work that week, and she was VERY well behaved and was very helpful to me. We decided on $3.

Before he gave it to her, he asked her if she'd like to earn a little more by helping Brayden clean his bedroom, which was also covered in train tracks and trains. She responds "Nah, I'm good with $3" and took the money and ran.......

• Brayden pushed Grayson down the other day, deliberately. I saw it happen, so I went over to him, sat him down, squeezed his cheeks and made him look me directly in the eyes.

Me:"Brayden, why did you push him down? He wasn't doing anything to you?"

Brayden: "Mom, he was heading right betowards me!"

It's nearly impossible to punish a child when you are laughing.....betowards??? I love it when little kids make up big words to sound smart.

• Chris picked up the kids from my moms house the other day and brought them home and we planned on going out to run errands and have dinner. Kaylee, who was overtired and exhausted and emotional, came in the house crying hysterically. She runs up to me and says "Mom....you and me HAVE to go upstairs". I look at Chris, who is walking in behind her and he gives me this eye roll as if to say "she's over reacting, or she's emotional over nothing" and I'm thinking to myself "what happened to my little girl that we have to go upstairs, just the 2 of us to take care of? Did she get her period already?"

I asked her what was wrong and through sobs and tears she pulls her hair back behind her ear and dramatically says "Mom, I can't go in public with only ONE earring in!"

Apparently, her earring had fallen out when she dozed off in Chris' truck and she was VERY upset about losing her earring......

Anniversary Oops

So some of you may know that Chris and I got our wedding date tattoo'ed on us years ago. Neither one of us wanted to do name tattoos, so we decided to do the date that we were joined as one. Mine is on my back shoulder, and his is on his arm. (mine below)

I'm actually pretty wise to suggest this because then, he has no reason to ever forget our anniversary....right?

So we went out Saturday night to celebrate our anniversary with a romantic dinner. I asked him before we left if we were going to exchange cards that night, or wait until Tuesday (our actual anniversary). He responds "uuum, how about ON our anniversary....WEDNESDAY!"

Yikes! How did I not know when it was? Well, in my defense, I knew what DAY it was, the 26th....I just didn't know when the 26th was this year... I've been extremely busy and my calendar is no longer a calendar day timer. It's a list of dates on my iPhone. So, I rarely know what day of the week it is when I wake up, nor do I know the actual date. I thought our anniversary was the day after the kids went back to school, which I thought was Monday, which would make our anniversary on Tuesday.....well....they go back Tuesday, which makes our anniversary on Wednesday. Gosh, he got me there.

Fast forward to Sunday night..... we go to "meet the pastor", a new member fellowship at our pastor's house. We are all taking turns "telling about our family" and sharing who we are, all about our kids, etc.... So, since my husband is the quiet, shy and observing type, he lets me do all the talking.....naturally.

I start "We are Chris and Tiffany.....we've been married 9 yrs this coming Tuesday......"

He says "ahem...Wednesday"

Of course, uproars of laughter fill the room, hi-fives are taking place between the men and Chris, and he then proceeds to show everyone his tattoo and why he doesn't forget our anniversary.....

Yeah, he showed me up......and I giggled.....not just once, but TWICE I have done that in a matter of days.

So, later on in bed we were chatting and I told him "don't be surprised if I tell you Happy Anniversary on Tuesday again, since I can't seem to remember what day of the week it is on"

He replies (as Chris would do in this situation......) "it's OK, you just totally set me up for looking like the BEST husband ever....."

And he really is......which is why I love him.

One Year Later.....

Grayson's surgery was one year ago today. One year ago, I was bawling at the thought of him having surgery.....oh wait, I still do. Well, I may not bawl my eyes out like a complete baby, but I sure do tear up every time I think about it, see pictures about it, and talk to anyone about it. I think it was more traumatic on me than it was on him. He is such a strong little man. From birth, he has been a fighter, and he's been a tough little cookie. He has not changed. He's only become stronger and more of a fighter. Watch out Kaylee and Brayden....here comes little bruiser! He walks like a bruiser, talks...more like grunts....like a bruiser, and acts like a bruiser.

We thought of a nickname for months that would describe him. Sweet Pea, G-man, Sweetie pie, and Kaylee even wanted to call him Bubba 2. I veto'ed that right away seeing as how I never even wanted a "bubba", much less a "sissy"...and I have BOTH thanks to her. Those are such redneck nicknames, and remind me of "Urban Cowboy" and she ended up making those the nicknames for her and Brayden.....and they were set in stone before I could get my veto power out there!

Anyways, I promise this is going somewhere. So, we were trying to find something that fit him and we came up with "lil bruiser" from the day he started walking. If you've ever seen the show Chelsea Lately, her little person sidekick Chuey.....Yeah, Grayson walks JUST like him. His belly sticks out, his feet turn in just a tad, and he walks around like he needs a sumo diaper thingy. Well, if I were to let him walk around in his diaper, he WOULD look just like a sumo wrestler....or Chuey in a diaper, maybe.

So, back to the one year update.....

I was all sorts of sad for 8 or 9 weeks. I got in a funk around June. (That's why I didn't really blog much) I know there are some moms who can relate to this... when we celebrate our children's FIRST birthday, we tend to do a whole list of "at this time last year I was....." and fill in the blanks with...Huge and disgustingly fat and pregnant, eating my last meal, trying to find something to wear that didn't totally make me look like a walking tent, trying to keep clean shaven in an area that you haven't seen in months.... just in case today is "the day", loosing the mucus plug, feeling the first contraction...etc.

Well, in my case, I had this...
June 20th around 6am: "One year ago today, I was in labor and didn't even know it until my husband pointed out to me that while I was sitting on the toilet, thinking I had to poop and wondering what all the blood was for, I winced every 3 minutes and stopped talking to him and he was only there because I had forced him to sit on the bathtub and talk to me while I was trying to 'go'." (and in my defense, even though it was my third kid, it was my first "go into labor" experience I've ever had....and I didn't know you bled when you went into labor)

June 20th around 2pm: "One year ago today, I was ready to push him out, but I was only dilated to a 9, and had been there since noon and got stuck and his heart rate started to drop"

June 20th around 2:45: "One year ago today, I was being wheeled into the OR ready to have my belly sliced open in a mere 5 minutes flat in order to save my son, who's heart rate would not stay up, and was thanking God that I already had my epidural in so that all they had to do was inject some stronger stuff and not have to totally run a new one"

June 20th around 6pm: "One year ago today, I was holding my precious baby boy, and admiring how beautiful he was and even though I was in lots of pain, and had a constant burning sensation from my incision, I was so happy that he arrived safe and sound and he was one big 8 lb ball of oeey gooey squishiness"

June 21st around noon: "One year ago today, I was in my hospital room with my dad, who was keeping me company while Chris took the kids to a birthday party, when the pediatric Doctor came in and told me he had Craniosynostosis" to which I replied "huh?" and after getting a short synopsis of what exactly that meant, I still was in denial and said "no, he was trying to come out with the back of his head first, that's why his head is cone head on the back and not on top, and that's why he wouldn't come out" to which she responded with "I hope you are right, but I want you to get him checked out just in case" and inside she was thinking "you poor, poor woman who's just delivered a precious baby boy and is in denial of his medical condition and I KNOW I'm right....but, she IS drugged up on vicodin for her burning radiating pain from her incision so maybe I should cut her some slack and be a little gentle with the news" OK, maybe she wasn't thinking that, but she could have been. That's how I felt.

June 22nd around noon: "One year ago today, again, while my husband is out of the room getting lunch and I am left alone in my room, the second pediatric Dr came in and confirmed that he also was sure Grayson had craniosynostosis and URGED me to go have it checked out, but left shortly after and told me to call him if I had any questions (probably because he couldn't take all the tears that were streaming out of my eyes and down my face so quickly it actually resembled a running faucet)" Why is there a pattern of them coming in when Chris is not in here? Now I have to relay all this information that I only hear through ears that are water logged from tears running down my face with no where else to go, so they twist and turn and go straight into my ears because they came out too fast to run straight down my cheeks.

I could go on and on but I know I am rambling. I decided that instead of typing this post all prim and proper to make my english teacher (who's name I can't even remember) proud, and then realizing that she will most likely NEVER read this because if I can't remember her name, why would she remember mine, so who really cares if I am typing one big long huge run on sentence without proper punctuation.?,!:; I am typing how I talk and I hope you can follow along and get a few giggles along the way. It is after all, a potentially sad post that I would normally be crying over while trying to type through tear filled eyes, while trying to concentrate on whether or not I just put a period instead of a comma, and I can't focus on the screen because it's all blurry, and it's keeping my mind off of "the real reason" for this post and it's actually working to keep the tears at bay. Whew! Probably could have done without this whole entire paragraph, but oh well..I will keep it.

So, fast forward to August 8.

"One year ago today, I was handing my 11 lb baby over to the neurosurgeon to have his skull cut open and have pieces of bone removed in an attempt to correct his 3 fused sutures and have a normal shaped head, and not put pressure on his brain"

"One year ago, I saw my son in recovery and cried buckets of tears over his bed, and probably all over him too, because of his little innocent scratchy throat cry from the breathing tube being in his throat for 3 hours and he was crying because he was in so much pain, and he was so pale white because of the blood lost in the surgery and his blood transfusion takes time to turn his cheeks back to their normal shade of pink and I couldn't do anything about his pain because I couldn't hold him and I couldn't make his pain go away and he was so confused and kept looking at me like mommy, why aren't you holding me and I'm all like, wait, I need a new bucket, this one is all filled up with my tears"

Dammit....there's those tears that I was fighting back during this post and Chris went and got me some kleenex...Man, I was doing sooo good.

"One year ago today, I was broken hearted. Sad that my precious baby boy had to have this procedure done. Confused as to why it happened. Scared to touch him for fear of hurting him. But, I had to toughen up and take care of him and tend to his every need and get him back in his normal surroundings as quickly as possible so that he could heal."

One month ago today, I found this verse: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Umm, hello? Isn't this like two birds with one stone? I was broken hearted FOR my son and he was wounded. He healed my brokenheartedness and he bound up Grayson's wound and he healed so perfectly. So, I honestly feel like this verse was written FOR ME, FOR US, even though it was written forever and a day ago....

Grayson is still one big HUGE ball of oeey gooey squishiness, only it's a VERY VERY freakin heavy ball. Like, probably 27 or 28 lbs, and he stole my heart, and he's a momma's boy and I let him get away with too much stuff because he is my baby and I protect him, and he knows that he can give me his pouty face and go "wa" and he doesn't even finish that word and I am giving into whatever he wants. He also knows that if he has something that he is not supposed to have, he can look at us, shoot us a sly mischevious grin and hide said item behind his back and when we go reach for it he can turn and twist his body around so that we can't reach it and then he squeals like a banshee and takes off running and we go running after him and he squeals again, looks behind him to make SURE we are chasing him and he runs faster, and we are chasing him around the house and he's really fast so it actually takes half the length of the "track" that goes around our bottom floor to actually catch up to him. Then he squeals again, only this time, it's not an excited "mommy is chasing me and this is fun" squeal...it's a loud high pitched birdlike squeal that says "dammit woman, don't take away the toy that I found, because it's rightfully mine because I did twist and turn and put my hand even MORE behind my back and you couldn't reach it" And I pick him up and hold him and try to console him and have a normal adult to child conversation as to why he can't have my computer mouse, or my iPhone and run around the house with it and he sticks his hand down my shirt and rests his fingers right smack dab in between my cleavage. And all is suddenly OK!

Yep, I have a booby baby! He can be right smack dab in the middle of Yo Gabba Gabba and totally enthralled with the show when he will suddenly realize that I am sitting next to him on the couch and he does NOT have his hands down my shirt, so he sneaks ever so quickly and quietly with his hand and puts in in the designated spot.....without taking his eyes off the TV the entire time. He is a SUPER SMART baby. He has broken every record so far that Kaylee has set for him as far as learning new things, and he is going to be the "big" little brother....I'm convinced.

Well, I'm tired now and heading to bed, so I hope you enjoy this short quick novel. I'll post 1 yr pictures as soon as I get to upload them off my camera.

Finally- Time to catch up

OK- not really that I have TIME to, but I need to, or I'll never get around to it..just like my scrapbooks. I haven't updated them since 2006 Christmas. Ugh. I know I need to, but I can't figure out where to start. Plus, with the rhinestone shirt business underway, I simply don't have time these days to do anything....really, I am not kidding. I shuffle my kids back and forth from school, to camps, to dance, VBS, to the gym, and then collapse in sheer exhaustion when it's all over. Add Dr appts to boot, and we are one busy, BUSY family.

So, I would normally back date posts to co-incide with the dates that it actually happened, but I have a feeling they would just get lost and not be read. So, instead, I'm just going to write a REALLY, REALLY long post. Sorry. It will have lots of pictures though.

So, Grayson is doing very well. We had his checkups this week and he is 25 lbs (85%). He is 30.5 inches long (75%) and his head is between 19.5"-20" around (he's a wiggle worm and doesn't like his head measured) which makes it off the charts.still.forever. I asked his neurosurgeon about this and if he would ever "grow into" his head. His answer was simple, but understandable. NO. He was born with a large head, coupled with sagittal synostosis, he will always have a large head. 2% of children are above average in head circumference and he falls in that 2%. Most of that 2% is made up of sagittal synostosis patients. OK. So, he really really is taking after me and my big head. I say it's because he has a lot of brains to fill it up.


His nickname is Lil' Bruiser. If you could see him walk, you'd see why. He totally looks like a bruiser or bully. Walking around like a bulldog, and sometimes resembling a sumo wrestler. He walks through the house patting his belly, and stomping one leg (like a sumo wrestler) He has the chunkiest thighs of ALL my babies, and I think he takes the prize for the biggest belly too. (besides mine, of course) Grayson is released from any further treatments, or follow-ups with the neurosurgeon. They say he is also released for any sports that he wishes to play, but I don't know if I'll ever be OK with that.

We had his birthday party this past weekend. It was very fun, but our air conditioner went out on Friday night, which made for a miserable HOT Saturday. But, luckily, the party was outside anyways, so my guests knew they were gonna be hot and dressed appropriately. We themed his party "Grayson's Splish Splash Birthday Bash" and used yellow rubber ducks to decorate with. Invitations, Thank you's, decorations, plates, napkins, etc were all Yellow Ducky. We rented a 16 ft. water slide for the older kids. They LOVED it. There was NEVER a break in the line to go up. It was always full. We had a baby pool for the babies with about 6" of water in it (for safety) and I also filled up our duck pond with water and floated some ducks in it. It was actually our old built in sandbox, but it ran out of sand...go figure, with Brayden and co.... so we dumped out the remainder and used it for our temporary duck pond. The in-between-age kids had fun sitting in it. It had more water in it than the baby pool (probably 1 ft) and they all crammed in it. We dubbed it the "hot tub" for the day. After playing for a while, we enjoyed Lasagna, Pizza, Bread and Salad, we all had some Ducky cake. Then the kids all got Ducky themed gift bags, filled with rubber duckies, ducky necklaces, bubbles, candy, etc... In lieu of gifts, we asked that our guests bring a donation to the Texas Childrens Hospital Neurosurgery floor. We collected almost $200 for them. (which I left on the counter when we went to our appt, so we'll have to plan a trip to the zoo very soon and drop it off then...gggrrr) We wanted to give back to the hospital so that the other neurosurgery patients could have some new stuff to play with while recovering. I also was able to use it as a learning lesson for my older 2 children, that giving to others is the best thing you can do. Not only does it help other people out, but it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside. :-)


Finally the AC got fixed at 8pm that night. Whew. That's a story for another day...

Brayden finished his 3 yr old preschool this year. We debated for a while if we were going to start him in Kindergarten when he was 5, or wait until he is 6. His birthday is LATE August and we just don't feel like he is going to be ready next year, so we are holding him back this year. So, next year he will repeat at the same school with the same teacher in the 3 yr old class. He will be with a lot of kids that were in his 2 yr class because their birthdays were after Sept 1, so they got put in the 2yr old class again when he moved up to the 3yr class. So, old friends....new tricks.

He really is ALL BOY! He recently started showing his emotional side and says things to me like "mommy, I still like you" UUMMM, STILL? I laugh because it's his way of saying I love you, but man, that would be offensive if he said that to his girlfriend in 15 yrs. Today, he actually gave me an arm kiss and told me "mommy, I just love you". Big improvement! Thank you, Brayden! He torments Kaylee and Grayson, but then he will turn around and hug them, which would make it all better, but then he may spit at them right afterwards....Man, I just don't know what to do with him. He also says "mommy... I want you" which means he needs some snuggle time, or he will tell us at night that his back hurts, "that's why he needs us to rub his back and give him purple sugar" (tylenol, which he apparently thinks is candy)


Kaylee finished Kindergarten this year and is excited to move on to 1st grade! I still cannot believe I have a 1st grader! She got her first phone call from a friend the other day. Wow, that was not expected. I thought mom's still called on their girls behalf until age 8 or 9...I guess not. She is reading on a 3rd grade level and was... as she says "the 4th smartest kid in her class".

She had been dubbed "Polly-Talks-A-Lot" by us because she does not.stop.talking.from the time her eyes open until she finally gives up and lays still at night. She finally broke the 40 lb mark!! WOO HOO! That was a BIG HUGE acomplishment for her. She's been 39 lbs for, I swear, 2 yrs!

Kaylee and Brayden both took 6 rounds of swim lessons in the winter/spring so this summer, if we are not at home, we are at the pool. Any pool. Wherever we can get an invite to since we don't have a neighborhood pool. Chris really wants a backyard pool, but we are still weighing our options with this economy. (it would definietly be fenced, so don't fret) They both swim very good though, and for my comfort level, Brayden still wears floaties and Kaylee has to stay where she can touch the bottom. I am always with Grayson in his baby float, so I couldn't be worried about where they both were and constantly worrying about if they were floating, swimming, drowning, etc... Brayden has NO fear and is a little fish, but that's the part that worries me. He drinks water, gags, chokes, and has vomited before, so I can't deal with that while trying to keep 2 others kids afloat. But, this is our first summer to really "swim" so we are enjoying every minute of it.

OK- so I think that catches me up, so now for the pictures....

I love this mischevious face Grayson makes....

Brayden's Sweet Face

Brayden's End of the Year Program

He went to Jareds.....Mother's Day Rings from each kid. Birthstone, Diamond, and it has birthdays and names engraved on them for each child, respectively.

Laugh, Baby, Laugh... I love your hearty belly laugh...

At my Brother Christopher's Wedding in June

Daddy and Grayson at the Birthday Party

Mommy and Grayson at the birthday party

Grayson's Sweetness

The hot tub

Grayson LOVES pizza. He ate 4 slices, and bread, and salad.

The duck cake (above) and the #1 cake (below) that he got ALL to himself

Oops, I forgot to put his shirt on him before he started eating cake. I bought it specifically for eating cake, and he was going to wear it!!!

Just wait, it gets worse...

Aaahhh, Now that was some GOOOOOOOOD cake!

I met Jodie on babycenter chat room when I was pregnant with Brayden. We've been "friends" ever since, and still talk often, but had never made the drive to see each other. I was so excited to have her come to the party and we finally got to "meet" face to face, even though we already knew each other very, very well.

All cleaned up and ready for bed. Just need to wash the cake down.

Showin' off his skills...

Ready to open presents.

If the present is bigger than you, do it Grayson's way and climb on top!!

Look at my new toys...

Grayson ridin' his new Bounce N Spin Zebra


Kaylee's Dance Recital and her friends from dance class.