The Last Day of 2008

Well, today is officially the last day of 2008. It's bittersweet for me. It has been an exceptionally tough year for me, personally. As excited as I was to start this year pregnant, knowing I would be welcoming a new member to our family, my life was changed dramatically. I learned a lot about myself this year.

Grayson's birth really helped to open my eyes about who I was, what my purpose was and most of all, how to love life, no matter what curveballs are thrown your way. Never in a million years would I have told you that one of my children would have to go through a big HUGE ordeal like Grayson did. I knew from day 2 that I had to be strong for him since he didn't know what he was going to deal with in the upcoming weeks of his life. I tried to be tough mommy, super mommy, and love him as much as I could just in case our time together was cut short. I dreaded surgery day. I was a complete mess on the inside, but I held it together for the sake of my children and my husband. I didn't want them to see or smell my fear. I was terrified! What if God needed a new angel and was going to call Grayson up to heaven that day? You never know what might happen. When the doctor told us we could go back and see him, I was relieved beyond anything imaginable. There was my sweet baby boy, laying on the recovery table. So tiny, so fragile, and in so much pain it was unbearable. He looked at me with frightful eyes as if he were asking me to take his pain away....but there was nothing I could do for him. I could see the hurt an confusion in his eyes and as his mother, I could not take it away. All I could do was sing to him. I sang the first song that came to mind...."You are my sunshine...my only sunshine...you make me happy....when skies are grey....you'll never know dear, how much I love you....please don't take my sunshine away" I still tear up when I hear the song and when I write about this day. I sang that song over and over to him that weekend as we spent it together in his hospital room during recovery. I was glad God didn't take my sunshine away.

We've come a long way since that day almost 5 months ago. You can't even tell he's had surgery. You would never know what we've been through together.

During the next few months following his surgery, we have all shared many many illnesses. Kaylee, Brayden, Grayson and I have all had cough, sinus infections, strep, ear infections, bronchitis, etc.... We have bought so much lysol, we should own stock in the company. My medical copays are through the roof to the point where it will probably take our entire tax refund to pay it off. But, I have learned to deal with it and RELAX! Yes, Tiffany.....the queen of the Type A personality that stresses about everything has learned how to RELAX! I don't stress about us being sick. I just cancel plans and go about my day nursing the children back to health. It's part of being a mommy, afterall.

I've learned to love people who I would normally have a hard time loving. You know the types...the ones who make it almost impossible to love them and even more impossible is making them love you back...yep, I love them....and they love me back!

I've learned to take each day as it comes and not sweat the small stuff. If my house isn't completely "guest ready" at all times....IT'S OK!!! People are more understanding than I used to give credit for. Afterall, as I am reminded many, many times by many, many people....I have my hands full....you know, because I have 3 kids!!! hehehe. The dust gets thick enough that you can write your name in it and I don't care. (Ok, maybe deep down I care, but I don't have time to deal with it)

Needless to say, I have changed a lot this year! I think I am a better person. I think I am easier to love. I think I am more willing to show love. I think I am beautiful for what I have on the inside which reflects on the outside.

I am welcoming 2009 with a new attitude! I embrace whatever challenges are thrown my way. I hope it's an easier year for me than 2008 was. I hope I can learn just as much about myself in the upcoming 12 months as I have learned in the past 12.

I love everyone! I love you all!
Smile and remember to enjoy your sunshine!